Cast : Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi and Om Puri

Director : Rensil D’Silva

Running Time : 2 Hours 40 minutes

Rating : 1 out of 4.

Release Date : November 20^th 2009.

The movie is really long. I mean, really really long. So long that I did not even care what happened after the intermission. The movie is also very boring. I kept asking myself through out the movie, is it boring because it is long or is it long because it is boring? I have no clue, but I did managed to stay awake.

The movie is a very serious commentary on global terrorism and it shows both sides of the story (the terrorist and their victims). However, just like “London Dreams” a good idea is (once again) ruined by Bollywood masala.

To begin with, the promos were very misleading. The tagline for the movie (because every movie should have a tagline, whether it needs one or not) is “Some Love Stories Have Blood On Them”. It is misleading because the love story in the movie is wrapped up in like 10 minutes, with the ‘happy’ couple settling down in a nice small house and in a cushy neighborhood. So, what is all this love story non-sense. Then, the second thing is the trailer. The trailer makes it seem like the movie is some kind of action filled mega movie. My god, was I disappointed! The trailer keeps hinting at some kind of a face off between Vivek Oberai’s Riyaz and Saif Ali Khan’s Ehsaan. Nope.

While the intention of having something to say about terrorism is definitely there, Mr. D’Silva tries to add

a) Romance (loves story gets over in like 10 minutes)

b) Suspense (instead of making my heart beat faster due to excitement these scenes made me sleep). There is the ‘BIG’ reveal of Ehsaan being a terrorist which comes about 50 minutes into the movie. Which does not make sense because anybody who has seen the trailer for the movie or even the posters already know that Ehsaan is the terrorist. So, why even bother with the big reveal. Should we blame the marketing department or the director?

c) Some hot sex action (for all its worth, the famed topless scene of Kareena is just 8 seconds of her being backless.) Come on man, if you really want to do something show some boob press at least!

d) Action (well, there is none)

Then there is the drawn out climatic scene, which has so many plot holes, which I would not list out because of the serious issue the movie is trying to deal with it here. Anyway, the movie is boring and long and long and boring and long and boring and long…

Cast : Does it matter?

Director : Roland Emmerich

Running Time : 2 Hours and 30 minutes

Rating : 4 out of 4

Release Date : November 13th 2009

I have no idea who coined this term but I will use it here anyway. This movie is THE BEST DISASTER PORN ever! Emmerich is the dude when it comes to exploding stuff (though not as good as Michael Bay), especially when it comes to hailing destruction on Cities and Earth.

Of course, the movie has a story to tell. The Earth is going to end in 2012 (the movie takes place in 2012) and one everyday common man, some how manages to save his and his family’s life from it. That is it. However, I don’t even care as to what is the story is or its characters. The trailer for the movie was awesome and I walked in expecting large scale destruction of earth and that is what I got!

Destruction sequence 1 : The main guy is riding his Limo (of all cars!) across this city and he manages to win the race against an amazing recreation of Earthquake.

Destruction sequence 2 : The main guy is now on a plane and the plane as to escape being destroyed by some fireballs (How did they come and where? I don’t care. It just looked awesome) Then there was this huge Display of Nuke-type explosion as well, which was just amazing.

Destruction sequence 3 : The main is now on a much bigger plane and it has to escape (water or smoke or something). It was awesome.

Destruction sequence 4 : The main guy has to pull out some kind of stuck tool from huge gears. Awesome underwater sequence.

Destruction sequence 5 : The main guy is now part of Huge “Arks” and due to a malfunction the doors of the Ark is not closing. All kind of bad things happen and we are treated a mammoth scale tsunami and crashing into the Himalayas. Hurray! The arks themselves, god how were the special effects for that even created. Amazing. Just amazing.

In between all the destruction, you have some small talk about seismic plates, earth’s magnetic field exchanging its poles, family values and so on. Anyway, if 2012 End-of- the-world does happen, now I know how its going to look. I also know that since I am neither working for the government or have 1 billion Euros, I will not be rescued. I better make that trip to Hyderabad before the year 2012 then!

Cast : Ajay Devgan, Salman Khan
Director : Vipul Shah
Running Time : 2 Hours 20 minutes
Rating : 2 out of 4
Release Date : October 30, 2009

Two best friends, Arjun and Manu. Arjun ends up in London, chasing his dreams (so the title London Dreams), while Mannu stays back in his Punjab village and is pretty much responsible for every girl in the village becoming a woman. Well, Mannu really does not have a career plan in place, Arjun does. He wants to become a pop start equivalent to Michael Jackson, and goes about it with complete focus. He grabs attention of music producers, gives auditions, builds a band and eventually he is on the brink of reaching his goal (to perform at Wembley Stadium).

However, his best friend, who is air-lifted to London, suddenly pole vaults to the position of a rock star, something which Arjun always wanted to be. This pisses off Arjun big time. I mean, Mannu just bypassed the whole system and reached the top, like that! The dilemma for Arjun is, Mannu is his best friend, but he is in his way to his dreams. What does he do? Answer : Personal goals are more important than friendship. Sabotage.

If the movie was just about how Arjun handles the situation, this would have been a fantastic movie. However, an excellent story is ruined forever by the addition of Priya (Asin Thottumkal). Since, every Bollywood movie needs a love story, a love triangle is forced into the script. This means, every now and then the story picks up pace, you have to bear some faltu romantic, drama scenes with songs, which have nothing to do with the main theme of the movie. I promise you, if you just edit out all the scenes with Priya in it or the scenes which reference is made to her, it will just make this movie that much better. Also, Ajay and Salman give good performances, but please. This is a movie about rock stars. Both the leads are in good shape, but that won’t stop them from looking in their 40s. I read somewhere that, this movie was written keeping Hrithik Roshan and Abhishek Bachan in mind. Now, that would have been much, much better.

All said and done, I loved the second half. Arjun’s dilemma and his helplessness at the situation makes you go back to school/college where you had your close friend who was much better than you, and how you would burn in jealousy and can’t do anything about it. Fantastic acting by Salman and Ajay.

Oh! another thing. Arjun keeps asking God, why is Mannu so much better than him, even though it was he who worked hard all his life. I think the answer is simple. Mannu has a ‘free’ lifestyle, where as Arjun is probably a virgin. Guess, that explains why he is not as good as Mannu.

Cast : Diganth, Aindrita Ray.
Director : Yograj Bhat.
Running Time : 2 hours 20 minutes
Rating : 4 out of 4
Release Date : 25 October 2009

Manasaare is less of a love story and more of a social commentary on how the society (filled with a majority population which is ‘normal’, apparently) treats individuals and groups who are different and unique in their own way as pure dirt. In the movie, the society calls them Huccharu (meaning they have gone nuts and need to be in a asylum).

Manohar (Diganth) is one such huccha. He is unemployed, does not take life seriously and did not finish college. He is not without talent though. He and his friend ( the cable guy) manage build a electric generator! Yep. However nobody has the ‘patience’ or ‘time’ to find what he can do, with a bit of support and encouragement. Which in spite of his genius, he is just another loser.

This makes Manahor wonder, why the heck is the world like this? He spends time thinking why is everybody running in the same track. A person is born, he goes to school then to college, grabs a job, gets married and eventually has a family and dies. Manohar keeps wishing that every person should take their own route. As if god heard his plea, a mishap on the highway, causes him to be mistakenly picked up by a asylum vehicle, and he ends up in asylum and then the story unfolds. I would rather not say what happens after this.

The movie itself has very good production values. Yograj Bhat, I must say, is a gift to Sandalwood. The songs, though not as good as Gaalipata or Mungaaru Male, are better than most other movies out there. The amount of characters that are filled in the asylum is just awesome. There is this character called dollar, who is a foreign return software engineer who is keeps planning his escape, gets caught but never gives up. Another character is ‘cured’ but comes up with schemes to stay within the asylum because the outside world is just too boring. There is also Devika who is genuinely ill, and the asylum never cures her but gets cured in a unconvential way. While most characters (each of them too many to mention too unique and too funny in their own way) are used for comedic effect, Devika as portrayed Aindrita Ray gives the movie the serious side.

Frankly, I walked into the theatre expecting a humor filled love story (which is what all the posters and marketing for the movie led me to believe) and I am glad that it is not a love story (we got enough of it already). The movie also sends out a clear message. If someone is different, he is not a nut, but is gifted. Treat him as a person. Also, I agree with the director. Why is everyone bent on following the same path of being born, school then college then job and family and death?

Cast : Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Lara Dutta, Zayed Khan
Director : Anthony D’Souza
Running Time : 2 hours and 20 minutes
Rating : -1 out of 4.
Release Date : October 16, 2009

It is for movies such as these, people like me write reviews. The movies has bad casting, unneccessary hype, absurd settings, plot holes so big that no amount of belief suspension can make it look small and ‘Inspired by Hollywood’ to boot. This is going to be one long review. Before I begin, let me give some easy to remember names for the characters in the movie.

Akshay Kumar is ‘Rich Dude’. He is all about making money and having sex with girls who are not of Indian Origin.

Sanjay Dutt is “Fat Guy”. He is all about having a hot wife, and having flash backs which don’t make sense any damn sense.

Lara Dutta is “Hot Wife”. She is actually Fat Guy’s girl friend, but they keep referring how they will get married soon, let us just call her Hot Wife. Also, she has like 20 wardrobes, 19 of them filled with bikini suits and sexy black lingerie. Her life ambition is to open a institute for Marine Research.

Zayed Khan is wannabe “Cool Guy” but is actually a “Moron”. No description for him due to lack of character development in the movie.

There is also Biker Girl and Bad Guy, but again, no character development for them as well.

For a movie with such a huge budget, the one thing they could have done is get the casting right. They almost do, but ruin it all by making ONE BIG MISTAKE. Akshay Kumar and Lara Dutta are in fantastic shape and look great when they slip into beach wear. Zayed Khan looks like a guy who hits the gym now and then. What about Sanjay Dutt? I have nothing about people who are not in shape (hell, I myself am in pretty bad shape) and Dutt is fantastic in Munnabhai series. Here, he is too obese for this role. And the movie makers know it too. The proof is evident if you see any Blue Poster.

All the characters are facing the camera (and flaunting their physique) but any guesses why Sanjay Dutt is showing his back side to you?

Moving on, Director Anthony D’Souza’s favorite hobby seems to be copying action sequences from Hollywood movies. Here is the list

1. Shoot Out scene inspired by “Bad Boys II” (including the dialogue)
2. The title itself from “Into the Blue”
3. A girl pick up scene from “Hitch”
4. A Bike chase scene from “Torque” (I mean, if the people behind Dhoom series can come up with original bike chases, why can’t these guys?)
5. Transporter (Moron, is a bike rider who moonlights as a transporter)

Come on. After hyping this movie as an adventure movie that bollywood has never seen before, you couldn’t come up with a single original action scene. Dude, Main Hoo Na was supposed to be comedy but had better action scenes (even though those scenes were also ‘Inspired by Hollywood’)

Now, about those plot holes. The premise of the movie just sucks. You have a treasure. Fat Guy knows where it is, but he won’t tell due to some non-sense flashback. Rich Dude comes up with a plan to convince Fat Guy to reveal the location of the treasure. The plan is to have Bike Girl meet Moron. Moron falls in love (Why? How? Idli Vada?) and plans to marry her as well. Right. So, we are in the year 2009, and guys just decide to get married when they see a girl who has rings hanging below her lip! Biker Girl introduces Moron to Bad Guy. Bad Guy hires Moron to ‘transport’ a bag. Bad Guy also makes sure Moron loses the bag (which I am sure Moron would have done even if Rich Guy did not plan for it). Then tell Bad Guy to threaten Moron with 50 million dollars in return for his life. So, Moron comes running to his brother, Fat Guy. This means Moron is also a Sissy. Bad Guy tracks down Moron (How? Well, Moron keeps calling Biker Girl and keeps leaving her phone messages with exact details like his Home Address with Phone Number and Zip Code. Or, Rich Dude would have e-mailed the location to Bad Guy). So, now Moron needs 50 million dollars and Rich Dude convinces Fat Guy that, the only way to save Moron’s life is to find that sunken treasure. This plan is more complicated than the plan The Joker had in the movie Dark Knight!

Here are a few things, the movie thinks the characters can do.

1. Rich Guy can punch Sharks (yes, man eating sharks!!!) and scare them away.
2. Fat Guy can box, but only while wearing full tracking suit WITH a full-arm winter jacket, which conveniently hides his tummy.
3. Fat Guy’s Hot Wife is probably 20 but alas, true love. Also, when she is at home she is either wearing a bikini or sexy lingerie.
4. Bullets when fired from a gun leave behind a streak of yellow colored tracking lines, which you can see and duck as well.
5. You have a wall. Bad guys on one side and Fat Guy with Hot Wife on other side. All the 10 Bad Guys fire at the wall; make bullet holes all over the wall but manage not to scratch either Fat Guy or Hot Wife.
6. Scenes which happen during the day, Fat Guy has short hair. Scenes which happen during night (the same night following the day), Fat Guy has long hair.

The most absurd part of the story is, Rich Dude, has had Fat Guy working with for at least 10 years. Fat Guy always knew where the treasure was, and Fat Guy has had his brother all this time as well. The straight conclusion is, it took Rich Dude, 10 years to come up with the plan. I guess, Rich Dude never took time in between all those sex sessions with girls who-are-not-of-IndianOrigin.

Anyway, I came up with a plan in like 10 minutes. It is simple and will pretty much accomplishes the same thing.

Hire a photgrapher to take pics of Hot Wife. This should not be difficult because Hot Wife is anyway running around in minimal clothes in and around her house. Use Photoshop to modify these pictures so that these pics show her nude. Send these pics to Fat Guy, with a note – “Show me the treasure, or else”. That is it. Fat Guy will show not just this treasure but all the treasures which have not been discovered yet, to save his true love.

Anyway. The movie sucks. Yet, I will go ahead and get the DVD when it comes out for two reasons.

a) The movie is just bad, and I can enjoy every moment of it, by pointing out each of every fault in it (there are at least a 100 more of which I did not point out in this review)
b) Lara Dutta in a bikini.

Cast : Fardeen Khan, Ajay Devgan, Sanjay Dutt, Bipasha Basu, Mugdha Godse.
Director : Rohit Shetty
Running Time : 2 Hours 25 minutes
Rating : 3 out of 4.
Release Date : October 16, 2009

I was pleasantly surprised with this movie. Once again the marketing for the movie kind of mislead me into believing this movie is all Bipasha and Godse’s legs. However, just 10 minutes into the movie, I realized that the movie is all about over the top humor which the entire family can enjoy. So, I just removed my brain, pushed it into my wallet and reclined on the comfortable chairs of the multiplex.

We have like 10 + characters. All of these are in one way are another entangled with the lives of Vir and Prem (Fardeen Khan and Ajay Devgan). Vir is a huge liar. He lies so that his rich brother Dharam (Sanjay Dutt) can keep sending him his daily pocket money. He wants to increase his pocket money. Prem to the rescue, who is the unlimited idea generator. So another lie is generated and implemented. Pocket money increases. However, just like in real life, not everything goes as planned. So, one of the bizarre ideas (by Prem, who else?) leads to a huge disaster and then Vir’s brother decides to come home. So, another lie is generated (by Prem). To cover that another lie is generated (by Prem). Another lie for this lie (by Prem). So, soon we have a mountain of lies being generated for each and every character by the lie-generator and until things go kaboom and the movie kind of ends with one of the most weirdest (and funny) Deus ex machina endings I have ever seen in a Hindi movie. Still, I left the theatre smiling because, a over the top comedy needed a over the top ending and what better than a Deus ex machina ending?

Anyway, it is a decent comedy and is one for the family. My god, I just loved the over the topness. I hope there is a sequel.

Cast : Ranbir Kapoor, Konkona Sen Sharma
Director : Ayan Mukerji
Running Time : 2 Hours 20 minutes
Rating : 2 out of 4
Release Date : 2 October, 2009

Life during college is awesome, without a doubt. However, like all good things, college life will come to an end, and all of use decide its time to trade in our jeans for cotton trousers and move on with the post-college life filled with equal measures of joy and sorrow. However, there is a minority among us, which find it very difficult to make this transition. This is story of one such guy, Sid (Ranbir Kapoor).

While in college, Sid reads Superman, plays F.E.A.R on his X-Box and renames himself Sid Simpson. He also has a bunch of friends with whom he hangs out and has lots of fun. That is until, his exams show up, which he writes (or not writes anything) and fails. Instead of blaming himself, Sid decides to blame everyone else. He distances himself from pretty much everyone. His close friends, Mom, Dad and may be even from himself. Things reach a climax and he decides to leave home. But where does he go?

The very second he leaves the door of his home, is when the real movie starts. It takes Sid, less than a couple of days to realize he is a big zero without his Dad. Whatever he was because of his Dad, and he himself on his own is a big Zero. The moment he realizes this, he decides to change things and over time he finally manages to get things done and they live happy live ever after.

There are a lots of things to like here. Sid, as a character is pretty much everywhere. You or one of your friends might be like this. Just sleeping there waiting for some one to wake them up. The setting makes a lot of sense too. The transformation also happens in a very realistic way.

I have two complaints about the whole movie though. Which sadly makes this movie very boring. The opening (overhead) shot of Sid shows him pushing aside comics, gaming DVDs and other ‘child’ stuff to make room for his math book (for the exam, the next morning). This pretty much establishes his character. Yet, the director spends the next 60 minutes re-establishing the same character multiple times, almost like re-inventing the wheel. Which means you spend the entire first half, waiting for the real deal (Sid leaving house) to happen. Of course, this is a Bollywood movie, so you got to have lot of padding. Yet the concepts presenting in the movie completely seem to be against Bollywood convention. A guy and girl living together. People taking their own path. Hot aunty. My guess is, the director wanted to have a 1 hour 30 minute slick movie, but his producers force him to pad it with really not needed songs and dramatic scenes.

The second thing to crib about is Aisha (Konkona Sen Sharma). She wants to have her own house, her own job and be a independent, confident woman. However she keeps repeating to every body in the movie that she and Sid are just friends and don’t ‘do’ anything. ‘do’ means sex. Now here is my question. She is the 21st century face of Indian Woman in every way, but has 19th century thoughts when it comes to sex? Seriously, we have got to stop thinking this way!

Cast : Sam Rockwell, Penelope Cruz, Tracy Morgan, Jon Favreau,                                       Nicolas Cage.

Director : Hoyt Yeatman

Running time : 1 hour and 26 minutes

Rating : 3 out of 4.

Release Date : July 24, 2009

The title would make you think that this is some super hero movie who goes by the name G-force who saves the world from a definite destruction. Nope! The move is about 4 guinea pigs and a mole, who call themselves G-Force, simply because the name sounds cool. That is what the movie. Cool and below-10- years-only fun!

Now the premise is like this. Let’s say you are the nice who is told take care of a bunch of kids 10 years and below. You decide to show them a spy movie. You can’t show them James bond or James Bond. Not with all the cleavage and blood and violence. That is where G-Force comes in. You have, like I said earlier, a set of 5 rats who are super trained spies. You have

Darwin – Team Leader

Juarez – Action girl

Blaster – Weapons and Demolition Specialist

Speckles – Hacking

Mooch – Surveillance

These rats do everything and have all kind of cool gadgets. Infiltrate bad guy liar. Use grappling hook to reach unreachable spots and swing unrealistically, Infra Red goggles to look in the dark and one awesome set of vehicles to escape when being chased.

The objective of the bad is just plain proposterous and stupid enough. So, is the bad guy behind all this. He wants to take over the world using Kitchen Appliances!! Like I said the movie is for 10 year and below.

In a summer where every other high voltage action movie has disappointed (Watchmen, X-men Origins : Wolverine, Terminator Salvation), I for one am amazingly impressed with Transformers ROTF. Even before I write the review, I have to say that I am one of the bay-explosions fan. I write reviews, I read them as well, and I see almost no one has a good opinion about the movie. Well, I do and I love it.

To start with, I loved the first Transformers. Trucks and Cars changing into Humongous kicking robots. That’s pure awesomeness. So, when the sequel was announced, I was excited to say the least. All I wanted was bigger robots, bigger settings and louder explosions and that is exactly what is there in the movie. I do sound like a moron here, but there is nothing like watching building sized alien robots fighting death-match on the big screen with big sounds.

What is interesting is, Bay does manage to fit in a story. The left over piece of the All Spark, from the previous movie is the key this time as well. Sam (the kid with the camaro) is now in college, and is exposed to a piece of the All Spark, which implants detailed plans to the location of the Energon Generator, which is the source of life and power of all Transformers. So, the Decepticons (the bad robots) are after Sam for that information and the Autobots (the good robots) are with Sam to protect him. A decent story for a summer blockbuster.

Let us not forget that the story is just a setup for more and more battles. Optimus Prime and Megatron and their colleagues are beautifully rendered in never-before-seen CGI. The way they are integrated into the scene, you have to give credit to the designers for the limits they have pushed themselves. I read somewhere that, a few computers caught fire while rendering these images. Wow! The music is spot on as well, and Bay uses slow motion at appropriate situations. There were at least 3 times, when I went like ‘Ooooooooooooooo’ right there in the movies along with 100’s of others in the theater who were equally charged by what they are seeing.

Mikaela (Sam’s girl friend) is hot, and she is there only for eye candy, Bay does not even bother to justify her presence in the movie other than that of her pure hotness. There also twin robots, who are there to just talk non-sense humor. Here again, Bay knows they are for that and that is it, and does not give any other justification. Many reviewers seem to have complaints regarding this.

A whole new set of robots are introduced in the sequel. In one scene, 6 Construticons (Decepticons disguised as construction equipment based vehicles) transform into one HUGE MEGA DECEPTICON, and you have to be there at the movies to experience it. Not to miss is the Optimus Prime Vs 6 – 8 Decepticons fight in a forest, where Optimus Prime protects Sam is simply awesome. Bumble bee is just plain sweet in its devotion towards Sam and gets as bad-ass as Optimus with several Decepticons.

One thing I missed though is the amount of screen time given to Bumble bee and other Autobots. You almost don’t get to see them fight, with most of the focus on Optimus Prime. Other than that, this movie is awesome. I am watching it again next week, and so should you.

4 out of 4

What we have here is a really sweet, warm, romantic comedy.  Two people, who hate each other a lot, or at least have no reason to like one another, are pushed into a situation where in they have to pretend to like each other.  Margaret is a high maintenance, tight-ass boss of Andrew.  She is also highly successful, probably employee of the year.  However, almost nobody at her company likes her to the point of being scared of her.  Andrew hates her as well, and wishes everyday that she gets hit by a bus and hopes he is lucky enough see it when it happens!

Things change when Margaret is informed that her visa has expired, and is being deported back to Canada from USA.  To save her own career, she goes ahead and declares that she is marrying Andrew!  This is a shock for everyone, including Andrew!  He refuses of course, and she threatens him with his job.  He agrees or has to.

We already know by this point that, they both will start pretending, and eventually will fall in love.  So far, I have not given any spoilers because, all this is already there is the movie trailer.

I must say though, that the way they both keep pretending, and the weird and rather uncomfortable situations they get into are really funny.  I don’t want to give away all the scenes, but the one with the male stripper is hilarious.  Andrew and Margaret, being asked to stay in a single room also leads some funny events.  The movie’s setting in Alaska gives way some really fantastic scenery.  The movie is filled with characters you will start identifying with right away.  Andrew’s Dad who is unhappy with his son’s career choice.  His Mom who likes him for what he wants to do, and is upset with her husband for his attitude towards his son.  His ex-girlfriend who is upset she missed the bus with him.  Of all the characters, Andrew’s grandma is so cool, you will start wishing that you had such a grandma.  There is also this immigration agent, who behaves like he is some kind of a James bond, and is simply heartless, in a funny way.  The whole town itself is simply ‘warm’.  Also, don’t miss the scenes which play along with the credits.

Pretty much, the movie is a nice one.  I loved it, and if you have not watched it yet, please go watch it.  Also, do not forget to get it, when it comes out on DVD, and watch it on a Sunday evening, with a cup of coffee in hand.

3 out of 4.