Cast : Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Lara Dutta, Zayed Khan
Director : Anthony D’Souza
Running Time : 2 hours and 20 minutes
Rating : -1 out of 4.
Release Date : October 16, 2009

It is for movies such as these, people like me write reviews. The movies has bad casting, unneccessary hype, absurd settings, plot holes so big that no amount of belief suspension can make it look small and ‘Inspired by Hollywood’ to boot. This is going to be one long review. Before I begin, let me give some easy to remember names for the characters in the movie.

Akshay Kumar is ‘Rich Dude’. He is all about making money and having sex with girls who are not of Indian Origin.

Sanjay Dutt is “Fat Guy”. He is all about having a hot wife, and having flash backs which don’t make sense any damn sense.

Lara Dutta is “Hot Wife”. She is actually Fat Guy’s girl friend, but they keep referring how they will get married soon, let us just call her Hot Wife. Also, she has like 20 wardrobes, 19 of them filled with bikini suits and sexy black lingerie. Her life ambition is to open a institute for Marine Research.

Zayed Khan is wannabe “Cool Guy” but is actually a “Moron”. No description for him due to lack of character development in the movie.

There is also Biker Girl and Bad Guy, but again, no character development for them as well.

For a movie with such a huge budget, the one thing they could have done is get the casting right. They almost do, but ruin it all by making ONE BIG MISTAKE. Akshay Kumar and Lara Dutta are in fantastic shape and look great when they slip into beach wear. Zayed Khan looks like a guy who hits the gym now and then. What about Sanjay Dutt? I have nothing about people who are not in shape (hell, I myself am in pretty bad shape) and Dutt is fantastic in Munnabhai series. Here, he is too obese for this role. And the movie makers know it too. The proof is evident if you see any Blue Poster.

All the characters are facing the camera (and flaunting their physique) but any guesses why Sanjay Dutt is showing his back side to you?

Moving on, Director Anthony D’Souza’s favorite hobby seems to be copying action sequences from Hollywood movies. Here is the list

1. Shoot Out scene inspired by “Bad Boys II” (including the dialogue)
2. The title itself from “Into the Blue”
3. A girl pick up scene from “Hitch”
4. A Bike chase scene from “Torque” (I mean, if the people behind Dhoom series can come up with original bike chases, why can’t these guys?)
5. Transporter (Moron, is a bike rider who moonlights as a transporter)

Come on. After hyping this movie as an adventure movie that bollywood has never seen before, you couldn’t come up with a single original action scene. Dude, Main Hoo Na was supposed to be comedy but had better action scenes (even though those scenes were also ‘Inspired by Hollywood’)

Now, about those plot holes. The premise of the movie just sucks. You have a treasure. Fat Guy knows where it is, but he won’t tell due to some non-sense flashback. Rich Dude comes up with a plan to convince Fat Guy to reveal the location of the treasure. The plan is to have Bike Girl meet Moron. Moron falls in love (Why? How? Idli Vada?) and plans to marry her as well. Right. So, we are in the year 2009, and guys just decide to get married when they see a girl who has rings hanging below her lip! Biker Girl introduces Moron to Bad Guy. Bad Guy hires Moron to ‘transport’ a bag. Bad Guy also makes sure Moron loses the bag (which I am sure Moron would have done even if Rich Guy did not plan for it). Then tell Bad Guy to threaten Moron with 50 million dollars in return for his life. So, Moron comes running to his brother, Fat Guy. This means Moron is also a Sissy. Bad Guy tracks down Moron (How? Well, Moron keeps calling Biker Girl and keeps leaving her phone messages with exact details like his Home Address with Phone Number and Zip Code. Or, Rich Dude would have e-mailed the location to Bad Guy). So, now Moron needs 50 million dollars and Rich Dude convinces Fat Guy that, the only way to save Moron’s life is to find that sunken treasure. This plan is more complicated than the plan The Joker had in the movie Dark Knight!

Here are a few things, the movie thinks the characters can do.

1. Rich Guy can punch Sharks (yes, man eating sharks!!!) and scare them away.
2. Fat Guy can box, but only while wearing full tracking suit WITH a full-arm winter jacket, which conveniently hides his tummy.
3. Fat Guy’s Hot Wife is probably 20 but alas, true love. Also, when she is at home she is either wearing a bikini or sexy lingerie.
4. Bullets when fired from a gun leave behind a streak of yellow colored tracking lines, which you can see and duck as well.
5. You have a wall. Bad guys on one side and Fat Guy with Hot Wife on other side. All the 10 Bad Guys fire at the wall; make bullet holes all over the wall but manage not to scratch either Fat Guy or Hot Wife.
6. Scenes which happen during the day, Fat Guy has short hair. Scenes which happen during night (the same night following the day), Fat Guy has long hair.

The most absurd part of the story is, Rich Dude, has had Fat Guy working with for at least 10 years. Fat Guy always knew where the treasure was, and Fat Guy has had his brother all this time as well. The straight conclusion is, it took Rich Dude, 10 years to come up with the plan. I guess, Rich Dude never took time in between all those sex sessions with girls who-are-not-of-IndianOrigin.

Anyway, I came up with a plan in like 10 minutes. It is simple and will pretty much accomplishes the same thing.

Hire a photgrapher to take pics of Hot Wife. This should not be difficult because Hot Wife is anyway running around in minimal clothes in and around her house. Use Photoshop to modify these pictures so that these pics show her nude. Send these pics to Fat Guy, with a note – “Show me the treasure, or else”. That is it. Fat Guy will show not just this treasure but all the treasures which have not been discovered yet, to save his true love.

Anyway. The movie sucks. Yet, I will go ahead and get the DVD when it comes out for two reasons.

a) The movie is just bad, and I can enjoy every moment of it, by pointing out each of every fault in it (there are at least a 100 more of which I did not point out in this review)
b) Lara Dutta in a bikini.