Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

It is important to remind the readers that the director of the movie is Brad Bird.  He is the guy who presented us ‘Incredibles’ and ‘Ratatouille’, both awesome movies, both entertaining movies.  The very fact that such a guy is directing Mission Impossible, makes this movie all the more better.  Okay, I am a big fan of this dude, but no this review is not biased.  For those who came late, Mission Impossible movies is about Ethan hunt and his revolving team, taking on impossible missions and save the world.  There are deceptions, there are high octane stunts and many a times, the plot is simple but is complicated enough so as to keep you on the edge.

This time, it looks like they have gone with mixing up all the good things from the first three movies.  The movie gets its turns and twists from the first one, high octane action (if you thought no MI movie could top the second in terms of action, this one will) from the second movie, the team work and gadgets from the third movie is all here.  The best part is the tight presentation, the perfect balance of humor, action and character development, which results in this movie being the best.  This film series has averted Sequilitis completely.  That is a big wow.

One can’t help but fall in love with the innovative credits, as the MI theme plays.  This of course was done extremely well in the first movie and is an excellent homage here.  The great thing about these opening credits is that it is teasing you what is going to happen but with such quick cuts, so that you can anticipate the course of the movie.  It is like the opening credits are playing a game of ‘fill in the blanks’ with your mind.  It’s engaging because your brain kicks in to solve the puzzle but then forgets about it because of what is happening of the screen.  Also, it almost seems like the writers this time wanted to avoid the frequent complaints thrown at the previous entries in the series, like abuse of masks and the MI theme and too much focus on Hunt character.  This is especially jarring in the second movie and to some extent in the third movie.  So, this time, believe it or not, there are no latex masks.  Yup!  Also, the team members get to do something, instead of the script focusing solely on Ethan Hunt.  I am not sure if I can make this claim, but I believe the internet, where all that takes is a simple Bing search to find out fan reaction, is helping Hollywood read from our lips.  Thanks internet J

The action set pieces will feel familiar but subtle variations and generous dose of action hero/super spy deconstruction make it seem fresh.  There is the obviously awesome sequence built around the Burj Khalifa.  It is really the best action scene I have seen this year.  What makes all this thrilling and exhilarating (there’s a word I never thought I would use in describing an action scene) is the fact that Tom Cruise did in fact do the stunt himself.  Not believing me?  Just do a quick search in YouTube and you will see him dangling on cables with cameras rolling around him.  The guy is the dude! I can only imagine how much insurance premium the production had to pay to let him do this stunt.  While all the marketing made sure that we can expect the building climbing awesomeness, I was completely impressed with the ensuing chase through the sand filled city of Dubai.  It is a standard issue chase, where hunt runs down some bad guy.  However, the addition of sand makes it a) scenery porn b) day blindness, which is quiet simply the most innovative obstacle course I have seen in a chase scene.  Normally, you can have guns, bad guys, missiles blocking an on-the-chase hero, but here the impediment is caused by something about which you cannot be angry or get frustrated.  You got to just accept the fact that nature is interfering with your chase and simply have to go with it.  To top it all, Mr. Bird makes it all the more realistic by having the chaser and the chase wear glasses and neckerchief to cope with the enormous amount of beautiful sand engulfing them.  Normally, I make it a point to try and identify which of the scenes are special effects and which is not, but for this sand filled chase, I completely forgot about it and sat back and let my eyes enjoy.

Also, the movie goes out of its way to ground things in reality as much as possible, while completely refusing to apologize for any plot holes, as long as they do not hamper the flow of entertainment.  There are little things but they add up.  Like the previously mentioned neckerchief or equipment malfunctioning (because IMF is now off the grid and cannot afford state of the art equipment) or dodging traffic (I mean, the whole world knows that Mumbai has terrific traffic).  The villain is simply one guy and is not intimidating at all.  Oddly, one would fail to notice this not until hours after the movie is over!  This is the case because how well written and well acted the other characters are.  As usual Tom Cruise owns the show as Ethan Hunt, but the others are not behind.  Paula Patton is obviously not as hot as the other girls in spy movies but oh boy does she turn up the heat when the occasion calls for it.  I do feel that Jeremy Renner’s Brandt is there do give some tension to the movie and nothing else.  The winning character would be that of Simon Pegg’s Benji.  The guy is a geek and takes a minor but important level up in badassness and you can count on him to give cheeky humor.  Not sure, if it counts but the gadgets used in the movie have a character of their own.  Sure, they are unrealistic but the movie tries really hard to convince us that, they could be real.  Again, the gadgets are introduced in conjunction with the character of Benji, which means every few minutes expect some gadget which makes you go ‘awe…’ and followed by a joke which makes you smile.

So, let me see if I can get this sentence right.  *cracks knuckles and resumes typing* If you chose to accept my recommendation to watch this movie, you will be rewarded with one of the most satisfying entertainment experiences of the whole year.  If you or any of your friends and family decide to watch this movie again, and one more time after that because they simply can’t help it, I will disavow any such recommendations.  Hopefully, this review/blog entry will self-destruct in 5 seconds: D

Rating: 4 out of 4
Cast: Paula Patton, Léa Seydoux, Anil Kapoor, Michael Nyqvist, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg and Tom Cruise
Director: Brad Bird
Running Time: 2 Hours and 13 minutes
Release Date: 15th December 2011

Ra One – Movie Script – For your reading pleasure ;)

Note : I was inspired by this website www.the-editing-room.com . Thanks, that website guy, Rod Hilton.

THOUSANDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO

A caveman, who has just discovered fire, is celebrating.  Suddenly, there is a flash of light and voila a Time Machine/Teleporter shows up and Shah Rukh Khan steps out of it.

Caveman

Hey, who are you?

Shah Rukh Khan

I am Shah Rukh Khan and I would like to congratulate you on discovering fire.  Now, I want you to tell a story to your kids, who will in turn tell their kids the same story.  Tell your kids that in the year 2011, I will be producing and starring in this movie Ra.One and I want your descendents to watch it.  Happy Hunting Bro!

CUT TO DECEMBER, GAMING CYBER CAFE, 2010

A bunch of kids are enjoying themselves in a marathon counter strike session, on their computers powered by NVIDIA.  Suddenly, there is a flash of light and voila a Time Machine/Teleporter shows up and Shah Rukh Khan steps out of it.

All the kids

Hey, who are you?

Shah Rukh Khan

I see that you are all enjoying gaming.  Now, you can play the character of G.One on mobile and Playstation!  Also, don’t forget to watch my movie almost a year from now.  That movie will help you solve math problems, keep your clothes clean and give everyone in the class 1st rank!

CUT TO JANUARY, MCDONALD'S BURGER JOINT, 2011

A couple are standing in a McDonald’s counter, buying a burger for their 11 year old kid.  Suddenly, there is a flash of light and voila a Time Machine/Teleporter shows up and Shah Rukh Khan steps out of it.

Couple

Hey, who are you?

Shah Rukh Khan

I see that you are buying snacks.  With every purchase, you can get stickers, posters and what not.  Also, at the end of this year, you can watch my movie.  That movie will help you solve your marital problems, give both of you a pay hike and reduce the price of petrol!

CUT TO SEPTEMBER, THE LARGEST CITIES, THE SMALLEST TOWNS, FARMERS FILLED VILLAGES AND ALSO SLUMS, 2011

All the 7 billion people in the world, irrespective of race, cast, sex, age and nationality are aware that the movie Ra.One will be released soon.  Finally a month later, the movie itself gets released in poorly converted 3D.

CUT TO POWER POINT PRESENTATION, PRESS CONFERENCE, UK

Shahana Goswami is presenting a new technology from her gaming firm, which, just like the movie is original and path breaking and promises to solve problems of the world like hunger and social inequality.  She uses word like Satellite, Rays, Frequencies, Virtual, Computers and Technology so that it feels like a science fiction movie. 

Newspaper Correspondent #1, UK newspaper

I apologize, but you are adding two Hindi words for every English word.  This being UK, shouldn’t you be conducting a press conference in English?

Shahana Goswami

God, I am too hot for this shit!  I am out of here.

CUT TO CLASSROOM, UK

Armaan Verma is dreaming that Shah Rukh Khan is driving in a gaming world with long hair and six packs.  Eventually Shah Rukh Khan faces off against Sanjay Dutt in a poorly attempted deconstruction of Super Heroes and Heroes in general.  A cleavage bearing Priyanka Chopra is also there.  Finally, the scene ends with Armaan Verma being woken up by his teacher.

Teacher

Are you dreaming in class again?

Armaan Verma

It was about Shah Rukh Khan rescuing a female in danger.

Teacher

You had a dream where Shah Rukh Khan is rescuing Priyanka Chopra?  You dreamt that she is in a red dress with a lot of leg and cleavage shown and says things like ‘He has a big gun!’  You are like 10.

CUT TO DINNER TABLE, HOUSE, UK

Director

Why do not you tell about the movie and the characters?

Shah Rukh Khan

I am portraying a guy who was born in Tamil Nadu.  I thought it is funny because; well, check out my Tamil accent.  Also, please watch as my Tamil accent drop frequently to let my normal accent take over.  That is part of the joke.  Also, please enjoy my references to boobs, because that is funny too.  Also, enjoy references to condom, because everyone should practice safe sex.  Also, did you not just enjoy the opening with endless references to my earlier movies and if you are confused whether it was a parody or an action scene, don’t fret, neither could we.

Armaan Verma

I am the cool kid.  I am also a hacker.  I like villains.  I also hate my dad.  I disrespect him.  Given these characteristics, every kid watching this movie will aspire to be like me!  I also use words like ‘whoop his ass’ ‘dude’ ‘what the fish’ because that is how an Indian kid will grow up to be if he is raised in UK.

Kareena Kapoor

I am Kareena Kapoor.  I am the hot mom of ten year old Armaan Verma, though no amount of suspension of belief can make you think I am a mom with a ten year old child.

CUT TO GAME STUDIO COMPANY, UK

Dalip Tahil

We are building a game exclusively for the Indian market, despite being a UK based game studio, filled with mostly Indian employees.  This sure is science fiction because, given the levels of piracy in India, we will recover ever pence spent on the game within hours of the game being released!

Shahana Goswami

A game is all about software, zeroes and ones.  Still we have built this device, which looks like a cheap knock off what you saw in Iron Man almost 3 years ago.  Now, if you will excuse me we will have a discussion about naming the villain, who will be called, surprise!  Ra One!

Chinese Guy

Wait, is this like Raavan, the mythological guy in the great Epic Ramayana?  Does it mean the movie will have subtle references to the concepts of idealism discussed in the epic of Ramayana, such as being an ideal son, ideal father and an ideal wife?

Shahana Goswami

We are just borrowing the name and we are stopping at that.  Also, please enjoy this animated sequence which tells the rules of the same.  It is very innovative and…

Guy who has watched too many movies

This is just like the animation used in the first Jurassic Park movie, to explain the dinosaur concepts.

Shahana Goswami

Did you not check the writing credits on imdb?  We had 7 writers onboard, and all the ideas appearing in the movie are completely original.  Now, we play this game by wearing a suit.  The suit becomes you and you become the suit.  Also, you have to wear this blue source battery…

Guy who has watched too many movies

(Shouting) Just like in Iron Man!!!

Shahana Goswami

(Ignoring the guy shouting about Iron Man) So, you have to wear this source battery and what you do comes up on the screen.

Future Gamer

In an age and time when gaming companies are struggling to sell consoles, which are nothing but hardware boxes, you are thinking of selling an entire suit?  I can see the share price of your gaming company dropping as we speak.  Not to forget the minor fact that, you expect gamers to stand and jump and run and so on.  Good luck with that!

Shahana Goswami

God, I am too hot for this shit!  I am out of here.

CUT TO DESTRYOED LAB/GAMING STUDIO COMPANY

The whole Lab is destroyed following a few sequences which defy every known science law, every rule of human logic, the villain from the game transport himself into a doll in the real world.  Somehow, it also carries with it all the villainous traits like anger and shit.  It does not have a face yet but sure knows how to interact with the real world, despite the fact that he has been programmed to operate exclusively in a combat arena.

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Are you Lucifer?  I need to kill Lucifer.

Chinese Guy

If I am not Lucifer, will you let me live?

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

I will still kill you.

Chinese Guy

So, if I am Lucifer, you will kill me.  If I am not Lucifer, you will still kill me.  What’s up with you?

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Dude, I came out of a beta version of a game designed by an Indian gaming company, based in UK, making games with weak business plans with the Indian gaming market as the target!  What do you expect from me?  Genius level intellect and uncommon common sense?

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!) kills Chinese Guy.  Then he proceeds to take over his body and destroy the Lab.  Then he starts chasing Shah Rukh Khan, who is driving a yellow product placed car.  Finally Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!), faces off against Shah Rukh Khan.

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Are you Sarah Connor?

Shah Rukh Khan

What?  Dude, did you download all the sci-fi action movies in the time it took you to locate me?  This is not the terminator movie.

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Oops!  Sorry, I mistook myself to the Terminator, given how many things I have copied from that movie.  Okay, are you Lucifer?  I need to kill Lucifer.

Shah Rukh Khan

I am Lucifer, so kill me.  I need to show that I love my son and hence I am willing to sacrifice my life.

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Sacrifice?  You are doing this for a higher cause like war, peace, chocolates?

Shah Rukh Khan

So far we have shown that my son is a dick but I still love him.  My sacrifice will prove that I am willing to give my life, so that I can finally earn his respect!

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but after I kill you, I will make sure that it will look like you died in an average Joe car accident.  Though, I have to admit, why despite being in the real world for less than an hour, I have no idea why I am already thinking like top level criminal.  So, how does your sacrifice achieve your respect earning activities?

Shah Rukh Khan

Fucking robot!!! Just kill me so I can be reborn as the superhero!!!  Fucking shoot me!!!  Just fucking thrown a fireball or something you fucking dumb fucking robot!!!

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!)

It has been well established that my beef is with this Lucifer, whoever the hell that is.  Why am I killing random strangers?  I mean, I just killed an old Chinese woman, just because she was Chinese.  I even said that line ‘I hate chinese’.  That’s Class A racism, right there.  The Irony is, I said ‘I hate chinese’ while being portrayed by a Chinese actor.  Pretty cool, eh?

Shah Rukh Khan

Dude, I don’t fucking care for the poorly written scenes that are being written around the concept of the villain.  Not to forget that you are villain purely motivated to kill a child, which I am sure will go down well with the family filled audiences.  I am pretty sure audiences will love that!  Just kill me already!!!

CUT TO POORLY WRITTEN, POORLY SCORED, POORLY EXECUTED CAR CHASE SCENE

Kareena Kapoor is driving with Armaan Verma, while being chased by Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!), still being portrayed by the Chinese Guy. 

Kareena Kapoor

If the villain is portrayed by Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!); why the hell are we still stuck with this Chinese actor?

Armaan Verma

These chase scenes require extensive stunt work and there is no fricking way, Arjun Rampal is going to do it!

Kareena Kapoor

We are already halfway through the movie!!!  Where is Shah Rukh Khan in blue, tight suit?

Armaan Verma

We are once again, copying concepts from the Iron Man movie.  The hero does not show up till the pop corn is bought in the interval!!!

Kareena Kapoor

Okay, it has already made clear that neither Shah Rukh Khan nor Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!) are destructible.  So, this whole action scene, where some 10,000 cars are being thrown around is pointless.

Armaan Verma

I am more concerned with how negatively India is being portrayed in this movie.  I mean, when we are happy, we like to live in UK.  However, now that my father is dead, we are sad and returning to India.  So, good times = Foreign Country.  Bad Times = India.

CUT TO AIRPORT UK/AIRPORT INDIA

Since this is a kid’s movie, it is important that a gay security guard scans Shah Rukh Khan’s body.  Also, to make sure people get that it is a gay thing, Shah Rukh Khan is wearing rings on his nipples.

Shah Rukh Khan

There you go, all the kids in the movie!!!  Some gay references for your benefit!!!  This is funny.  Unless, I have not made it clear so far, this is a kid friendly family movie.

Kid in the movie hall

Dad, why is the security guard staring at Shah Rukh Khan’s pants?

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

Well, son, Shah Rukh Khan has kept some rats in his pants, that is why?

Kid in the movie hall

Why is Shah Rukh Khan carrying rats in his pocket?

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

Just watch the movie son.  Don’t ask too many questions.

Shah Rukh Khan

Kids, again, let me grab Kareena Kapoor boobies!!!  He he, it is funny.  Laugh everybody!!!

Kid in the movie hall

Dad, can I grab my friend Rashmi’s boobies, when I go to class tomorrow.  It might be funny, just like in this movie.

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

No, you may not.  That is rude, not to forget inappropriate.  (To self) Those marketing assholes convinced me that this is a kid’s movie.

Kareena Kapoor

We are outside an airport and we have been fighting for almost 10 minutes and still not even a single cop has bothered to intervene.  ARE WE COMMENTING ON THE SECURITY STATUS IN OUR COUNTRY?!!!

Shah Rukh Khan

Lets have a gratuitous cameo by super star Rajnikanth.

Super Star Rajnikanth

I can drown a fish.  I can answer a missed call.  I can make onions cry.

CUT TO TAMIL HOUSE, INDIA

Shah Rukh Khan makes a joke about condoms.

Kid in the movie hall

Dad, what is a condom?  I did not get the joke.

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

it’s sort of like a balloon, which costs 10 times the price of a normal balloon.  It is used to make balloon animals like a Dog or a Horse.

Kid in the movie hall

So, what is so funny about it?

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

Just watch the movie son.  Don’t ask too many questions.

CUT TO DILIP TAHIL's OFFICE, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME

Arjun Rampal (Voice Only!) is now completely Arjun Rampal.  He has somehow found Dalip Tahil’s office because he wants to show that now, finally, almost at the end of the movie, he has a face.

Dalip Tahil

This is your look.  It is just you, with a short hair cut and some fake tattoos.  I finally understand why the villain was never revealed in the publicity.

Arjun Rampal

Dude, at least I am not wearing a wig!

Dalip Tahil

Wait, why are you doing the Batman voice?  Sure this movie had seven writers?  Also, what are you and Shah Rukh Khan made of?  Plastic?  Metal?  Unobtanium?  What do you guys eat?  Will there be any explanation given to any of this?  If you can change shape, why can’t you just change into a flying plane or a rolling ball or something?

Arjun Rampal

You are eating my head.  Since, we are making up powers as the plot requires, I now have mind reading powers.  Let me read your mind and find out where Lucifer is!!!

CUT TO TAMIL PLACE, BIRTHDAY PARTY

A family event is happening where all the family members are behaving in a completely family type fashion.  To accentuate the familiness of the event, a bunch of girls in a green bikini start dancing.  Finally Kareena Kapoor decides to dance as well in a totally sexy red top, which alone justifies the price of the movie ticket.

Kid in the movie hall

Dad, why cannot we have scantily clad women in our family events.  Also, will mom take off her shawl and dance provocatively as well, so that all the family members can enjoy?

Dad (Totally uncomfortable and regretting bringing his kid to the movie)

Son, I am busy watching the movie right now.  Go get a pop corn or something.  (To self) Just look at that red top man!!!

CUT TO OUTSIDE/TRAIN CHASE/ENGINE ROOM

Arjun Rampal has taken over the shape of Kareena Kapoor!  Then he tells Shah Rukh Khan that he has kidnapped both Armaan Verma and Kareena Kapoor.

Arjun Rampal

I am a villain in a super hero.  Hence, just like Lex Luther in Superman and Green Goblin in Spiderman movies, I am giving you a sadistic choice.  On one side, you can save your son.  On another side, you can save Kareena Kapoor, who is brain washed into driving a train at high speed which is about to crash and everybody on the train will die.

Shah Rukh Khan

This is so not like that speeding train scene in Spiderman 2.  It also does not remind me of that train scene in the super star Rajnikanth robot movie Enthiran.  What is really bothering me is why you are doing this?

Arjun Rampal

What do you mean?  I am making the sadistic choice, which every villain has to do.

Shah Rukh Khan

I mean, why do this?  It has been well established that you simply want to kill Lucifer.  Now, you have the kid, who is Lucifer.  So, why exactly are you doing all this?

Arjun Rampal

Dude, I came out of a beta version of a game designed by an Indian gaming company, based in UK, making games with weak business plans with the Indian gaming market as the target!  What do you expect from me?  Genius level intellect and uncommon common sense?

Eventually, Shah Rukh Khan chases the train in a scene which has worse special effects than the Tamil movie Enthiran, despite having a higher budget.  He finally reaches the train’s engine room and erases the mind control thing which was put on her by Arjun Rampal.

Kareena Kapoor

What, you two robots can now mind control human beings.  Seriously, you guys are literally making up powers as the plot requires.

Shah Rukh Khan

Of course.  So, are you alright?

Kareena Kapoor

I am fine, but why did you not just pull the emergency fail-safe breaks of the train.

Shah Rukh Khan

Well, you are asking me?  I am just a video game character.  Why did the hundreds of commuters in the train forget to pull the train’s break cable?

Kareena Kapoor

I am guessing, you are not the only who is losing out on plain old common sense.

CUT TO FINAL BATTLE OF THE MOVIE, GOD ONLY KNOWS IF IT IS THE REAL WORLD OR SOME SHIT BRAIN IMAGINATION THING

The final battle comprises of some Shah Rukh Khan and Arjun Rampal going at each other in moves slightly inferior to ten year old Mortal Kombat videogame.  Finally, Arjun Rampal is defeated and dies by splitting into many light parts.

Arjun Rampal

I AM DYING LIKE AGENT SMITH FROM MATRIX!!!  IF ONLY WE HAD AN 8TH WRITER FOR THE MOVIE, HE COULD COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL DEATH SCENE FOR ME!!!! ALSO, IF THERE IS A SEQUEL FOR THE MOVIE, WILL IT BE CALLED RA ONE 2, EVEN THOUGH I AM DEAD?  AAAIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Shah Rukh Khan

Dude, I also should die now.  Despite being a game character, I understand that I have become like your father figure.  This is a touching scene.  Don’t cry now.

Armaan Verma

I have to cry.  This scene is just like the ending of Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

Shah Rukh Khan

Damn it!  I was hoping that you would not realise that.  Anyway, even though I am a game character, I will miss you and I am sad too.

Armaan Verma

Despite being an unoriginal scene, this is a dramatic and effective death scene.  I just hope we don’t ruin this scene by showing you 5 minutes later, alive and kicking.

Five minutes later, the movie shoes Shah Rukh Khan standing on top of a house, giving a badass super hero pose, telling everyone that we can expect Ra One 2: The Chase Begins again will be released.  All the 3 people in the entire world who enjoyed this movie start celebrating and update their facebook status accordingly.

The Adventures of Tintin

By default, Steven Spielberg movies are technically awesome. The production values are top notch, editing is perfect, music is great and when he does adventure movies, seriously no one can best him.  This movie is no different, but it does not scale the levels of awesomeness as in the Indiana Jones movies simply because Tintin is not exactly an action hero and neither are his stories.

The chances are pretty high that almost everyone has heard of Tintin.  Still, for those who may not know, it takes less than 5 minutes of the movie to give you an introduction.  The feature presentation opens with one of the most creative and informative credits I have ever seen.  It shows that Tintin is an adventure seeking reporter who has a cute white dog as his side kick.  He is always investigating something, gets in trouble, never gives up and eventually the bad guys are caught and he has got a story to report.  All this, succinctly presented with great music.  Loved it!  If this wasn’t enough, the movie pays pleasant homage to the source material with actual illustrations from the source comic, and a cameo by the late creator, Hergé.  How awesome is that?

The movie jumps into adventure mode, straight away.  Tintin buys a model ship and before he knows it, is involved in a conspiracy which involves a Mr. Ivan Ivanovitch Sakharine, who is after these ships in order piece together clues to find a missing treasure.  The quest is to find the three model ships, with each containing a clue paper.  As the story progresses, Tintin befriends Captain Haddock, who is the heir to the Unicorn treasure.  This has them going around the world, battling bad guys, putting themselves in danger and getting out of thick spots.  One can’t but think of Indiana Jones when all this is playing out, particularly ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’, which incidentally was a movie by Steven Spielberg.  Put Indiana Jones in place of Tintin, Henry Jones in place of Captain Haddock, add some standard adventure one liners and we have got ourselves a find 3D adventure movie.  The movie is a treat to the eyes.  The visuals are awesome and some shots are shown which really have nothing to do with the movie, but only there for scenery porn.  I am not complaining, but appreciating.  One of the areas where the motion capture really proves itself is the dog.  It is so cute and smart, and if this movie were live action, no amount of special effects could have made a live dog, as realistic as this one.

Every now and then, the movie zooms in a little too close to the characters faces, and they start creating ‘Uncanny Valley’ effects.  This may not affect everyone, but it is there and is a bit disappointing because it ruins the mood of the scene in play.  A pleasant character suddenly starts scaring you, which is a bit of a letdown.  Also, the movie is short, which is not the movie maker’s fault, because the mystery is fairly straight forward and since the protagonist is a teen hero, you can’t have too much violence to add more action scenes and explosions.  Despite these limitations, when the action kicks in, it is pretty good but leaves you, well, unsatisfied.  A great deal of humor revolves around Captain Haddock’s drinking habits but after sometime it becomes too predictable.

We are not going to get any more Indiana Jones movies, and for now, we will have to simply content ourselves by watching Tintin.

Rating: 3 out of 4
Cast: Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Andy Serkis and Jamie Bell
Director: Steven Spielberg
Running Time: 1 Hour and 47 minutes
Release Date: 11th November 2011

Force – Movie Script – For your reading pleasure ;)

Note : I was inspired by this website www.the-editing-room.com . Thanks, that website guy, Rod Hilton.

SOME RANDOM STREET IN CHENNAI, MIDNIGHT

John Abraham is running through the streets, shouting at the top of his voice ‘AAARRGGHH’ ‘OH YEAH’ and other shouting sounds.  On the same street, there is a coffee house where Ajay Devgn, Suriya and Aamir Khan are sipping coffee with biscuits.

Aamir Khan

The dude sure seems very happy.

Ajay Devgn

Looks like he finally secured a role in one of the Tamil remakes of Suriya.  I remember when I did the same last year.

Aamir Khan

Same here.  Good times.  But I remember screaming and shouting in the Gym, not on the streets.

Suriya

Premature celebrations, I must say.

Aamir Khan and Ajay Devgn

Why do you say that?

Suriya

Does he know that this movie is a very realistic cop story which elaborates on the conflicting personalities of the leads and how they end up together despite their differences?  The narrative is about the beliefs of a dedicated super cop who believes that family ties hold you back from performing your job and when he decides go against his own rule, it backfires on him in the most tragic way possible.

Ajay Devgn

Really?  No punching people so that they bounce off solid floor or stepping out of a rotating 4 wheeler and all that stuff?

Suriya

Nope.

Aamir Khan

Are you serious?  No vanishing from a bus or screaming while showcasing six packs in front of a mirror.

Suriya

Nope.

Ajay Devgn

Should we tell him?  Does he even know that this is some serious cop drama where nothing really happens?

Aamir Khan

Let him have his fun.  He will find out soon enough.

CUT TO Genelia D'Souza INTRODUCTION

Genelia D’Souza spends a lot of time with kids, ensuring product placement of a balm, shopping and performing various acts of compassion.  Yes, she has to perform acts of compassion because nothing defines a south movie heroine like acts of compassion.

Audience Female #16

What is this?  Ad for Sanitary Napkin?

CUT TO RANDOM STREET

Despite being a cop bound to his duty, John Abraham manages to charm Genelia D’Souza.  The charm works so well that she decides to not look both sides while crossing the street, instead choosing to stare at John Abraham’s totally authentic tattoos.  To nobody’s surprise, a car rams into her in full speed but gives her minor injuries.  John Abraham picks her up and gets into a taxi.

Taxi Driver

Sir, we have a hospital close by.

John Abraham

No, we have already received payment for product placement by a Hospital brand.  We have to go there or we might not be able to recover the money spent on this movie.

Taxi Driver

That’s outside the city.  She could die by then.

John Abraham

No, she won’t.  This scene was done just to show that I care for her.  It also shows that despite having a rough exterior, I have a softer side too.  It shows my vulnerability.

Taxi Driver

How does this show that you care?  If someone gets hit by a bus, would you not have taken that person to a hospital.

John Abraham

Dude, just shut up and drive!

CUT TO AN ACTION SCENE NON-CHEMISTRY LADEN SCENES BETWEEN THE LEADS

John Abraham

So, you like the movie so far?

Genelia D’Souza

I just wish I could tell when you are angry, smiling or just plain showing no emotion.

CUT TO AN ACTION SCENE NON-CHEMISTRY LADEN SCENES BETWEEN THE LEADS

Genelia D’Souza

You know the big aspect of our characters in the original movie was the different outlook we have about our lives.  I am am peaceful person, while you are violent individual.

John Abraham

Yeah, I realise that.  I do not think that aspect of our characters is going to showed at all, given the limited range of both of our acting.

CUT TO AN ACTION SCENE NON-CHEMISTRY LADEN SCENES BETWEEN THE LEADS

Genelia D’Souza

I thought this movie is called ‘Force’.  Where is the force?  I want some force?  I want it now!

John Abraham

If you haven’t realized that this movie is not an action movie, I can’t help you at all.

CUT TO AN ACTION SCENE NON-CHEMISTRY LADEN SCENES BETWEEN THE LEADS

John Abraham

Let’s have a romantic song, because we have officially fallen in love now.

Genelia D’Souza

I can’t believe the marketing department suckered the audience into thinking that this is an action movie.

CUT TO MONTAGE OF MONTAGE

A montage shows Vidyut Jamwal doing some drug business.  Then a montage shows cops killing drug peddlers.  Then a montage of interrogation is presented.  Then a shootout happens where Mukesh Rishi is chased from a mall into a parking lot and is eventually shot dead by John Abraham.

Kamlesh Sawant

Dude, we just fucking killed him.  We will fucking get fucking suspended.

Mohnish Bahl

Why the heck will we get suspended?  In an earlier scene, we killed some 100 drug guys while spitting out uninspired one liner.

John Abraham

In the earlier scenes the plot demanded that we kill people.  Now it demands that we get suspended.

4th Member of the team

Hey guys, I am just glad I am in a movie.

John Abraham along with his 3 team mates is suspended.  As it happens, according to the movie, suspended cops do not keep any weapons even for self protection.  So, 4th member of the team and his girlfriend are killed!  John Abraham is extremely pissed off about this and decides to take it up with Raj Babbar.

Raj Babbar

God, How long it has been since I have been in a movie.  If this movie becomes a super hit, I will probably get more supporting roles.

John Abraham

I seriously doubt that.  Now, why was the plot changed so that cops, who kill, will be suspended?

Raj Babbar

See John, we have this antagonist, and it is fairly obvious that a showdown is going to happen between you and him.  So far, the movie has been a team based feature.  Now, we have to make a gradual transition to making it about you and you alone.  The plot will ensure that the other two members will be removed from the movie so that the showdown can happen.

John Abraham

I am seeing the big picture now.

CUT TO ABANDONED SHIPYARD

Vidyut Jamwal kidnaps Sandhya Mridul to make Mohnish Bahl betray the honeymoon location of John Abraham. Then Vidyut Jamwal kidnaps Genelia D’Souza while making sure that he kills John Abraham.  However John Abraham survives but not before Vidyut Jamwal kills Sandhya Mridul.  Seeing that Sandhya Mridul is dead, Mohnish Bahl kills self.  Later Vidyut Jamwal kills Genelia D’Souza.  Eventually, Kamlesh Sawant injures himself in fire fight, as he bribed the director to make sure that his character survives. This does not make sense because he has been portrayed as a competent and effective cop throughout the movie.  However, his survival only draws the audience attention to the disturbing trend of this and other Tamil movies and their remakes showcasing women as disposable characters to create drama.  Eventually John Abraham faces off against Vidyut Jamwal.

Vidyut Jamwal

So, we finally meet.  The audience can finally find out which model-turned-actor can emote less.

John Abraham

This is your first movie.  Obviously, I can emote more.

Vidyut Jamwal

I don’t think so dude.  But, I have an Idea.  Let us both take off shirts.  Since both of us have identical looks, identical rugged voices and hair styles, when the fight scene ensues, no one has a clue who is who.

John Abraham and Vidyut Jamwal take off their shirts and start punching each other.  Whatever choreography is done goes for a toss, since the fight takes place in an enclosed place and compounded by the usage of shaky cam, no one can make out what is happening.  Eventually one of the fighting guys ends up stuck on a hook with blood dripping down.  Everybody simply assumes that the surviving person is John Abraham.  Movie ends, but not before shoving more dram down the audience throat, which is made all the more ineffective due to lack of any display of emotions.

CUT TO OUTSIDE NEAR THE POPCORN STATION

Audience Male #15

You think, it will be that big a hit like the other Tamil movies.

Audience Female #16

I don’t think so.  Anyway, here’s to normalcy.

Audience Male #15

What do you mean?

Audience Female #16

All of Suriya’s movies have been officially remade in Hindi.  No more guy stepping out of rotating jeep or gratuitous showcasing of six packs or biceps.

Audience Male #15

Thank god for that.

In Time

If there was ever a movie which squanders a great concept, decent first ten minutes, and then ‘In Time’ is going to keep the squanderer of the year award for a long, long time to come.  It has got lazy written all over it and is worth nobody’s time (pun intended).  I can think another bad pun.  Anybody who spends his time watching this time movie is wasting his time.  If only someone more competent had made this movie, how thought provoking it would have been.  This could have been another Inception but ends up being Spy Kids 4.

The idea is very simple.  Technology has evolved to an extent where every baby born, has a genetic lock which kicks in on its 25^th birthday.  After that, you can live as long as you have got time, literally.  By extension, time has replaced currency.  The more time you have got, the longer you can live, the better is your lifestyle and so on.  This base idea is presented in a succinct way and the first ten minutes of the narrative grips one’s attention.  The movie presents the time paradox, neatly.  You cannot earn if you do not have enough time, but if you do not have time, how can you earn?  Obviously those who do have lot of time, can be like gods (thanks to immortality) and hence make sure that the elite get to live as long as they can while the unfortunate run out of time.

After this amazing introduction, the movie decides to show what happens if you upset the established order.  So, a time rich guy gives a more than a century to the protagonist, who is factory worker in some slum.  The movie could have explored the gradual development of character, the gradual upsetting of the established system and the eventual chaos it results.  It simply tries and fails.  It does not even fail spectacularly.  It just fails.  One thing obvious from the word go is how poor the casting.   I do not know why Hollywood wants us to believe Justin Timberlake is lead actor material.  They just keep making movies with him and keep shoving it down our throats.  He is supposed to be the character the audience identify with and go from there.  The hopeless acting just won’t let us do that.  The same thing applies to other characters as well.  The movie has great characters but the cast ruins everything.  No matter how much I suspend my disbelief I cannot accept Olivia Wilde as a mom.  Also, Cillian Murphy can be an awesome villain guy, but he is stuck in a poorly written time cop character.  I never complain about the casting but this movie is ruined because of it.

There are hints at the discussion of mortality, but even that is not fully explored.  All the movie does is making lame catch phrases out of it, which goes something like this – ‘For a few to be immortal, many must die’.  Seriously, what is up with this shit?  Why is there no comparisons drawn between the realistic situation where in actual rich people can on an average live longer than regular folks due to access to better medical care?  If time is currency, where is its source and how is it stored?  What is the reason for having the time clock kick in at 25?  These questions are not answered because the whole thing turns into a series of jogging scenes with the leads.

While I agree that looking for logic in movies is a done with concept, some basic things should still be followed.  How is it that a factory worker and a girl who has spent her entire life in a palace, learn to simply rob a time bank?  How is it that the whole world is made up of only one time cop and his four even more incompetent subordinates?  If people can just take time off your hand (in the movie, time/currency is stored as a bar code on the wrist), what is the point.  I mean, how do you even sleep at night, if anyone could just walk in, take your time and walk off.  If this is how it is, a guy could be simply taking a nap in a bus and his co-passenger could siphon off his hours and get down the bus!

The last thing which really shows how lazily it was done is the lack of any futuristic element in it.  I understand, this is one of those Twenty minutes into the future movies, yet nothing stopped the writers from adding futuristic elements.  How about a flying car or a on the wall, running display?  How about some actual augmentations to enhance human performance, better equipped cops and more connected world?  It is made fairly obvious that this is not an action movie, but a science fiction.

I will end the review with another pun, because I can’t think of ending this in any other way.  If you were actually living in time equals currency world, would you be swiping in your time/currency to watch this movie?  I would say, no.

Rating: 1 out of 4
Cast: Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried, Cillian Murphy, Vincent Kartheiser and Justin Timberlake
Director: Andrew Niccol
Running Time: 1 Hour 55 minutes
Release Date: 4th November 2011